10 Commandements For Your Life...

Totally inspired by this video. Thank you, sir, thank you so much for your superb videos. Totally killer stuff! Also, if you aren't a Carlin fan, oh, wait... why am I even talking to the non-existent aliens out there. Psswwffhh! 1. Everybody lies. I's true. Accept it, or not! Just assume that no one is telling you the truth because more than likely they're not. They're trying to make you feel better about yourself or save their own ass. Lying is key to getting through life. Honesty is pretty much overrated and is just going  to piss a lot of people off and leave you alone and miserable if  you start telling people what you really think about them. If  you want a good marriage, lie; if you want that job you've been  hoping for, lie and make yourself appear more important and suited  for it than you actually are; if you want to stay out of trouble, lie.  Do I need to keep going or have you gotten the point by now? 2. People don't change. You may think that a person has improved, but the truth is they are  still the same worthless waste of space they've always been, they  have just discovered more clever ways of hiding it since you  last spoke with them. And that is fucking true! An alcoholic is  always going to be an alcoholic, a cheater is always going to be  a cheater, a junkie is always going to be a junkie. And a blogger  is always going to be a blogger, if they take some lessons from  me! Stop setting yourself up for disappointment thinking this time  around the person is better and more upstanding, give it a little bit  of time and their true colors will once again show and leave you  disappointed just like you have been numerous times in the past. 3. Whoring around is the key to success. It's not about how qualified you are or what skills you possess  to get that job you think you deserve. Unless you plan on  constantly brown nosing or blowing the right people in the  company, you're still going to be doing grunt work until the  day you die. The only reason the higher ups got those  positions is because they knew the right people or were  screwing the right people. It's sad, really. You worked so  hard to try to get ahead in the company when you really  didn't have to, you just had to either kiss ass or suck dick.  But hey, since I've told you the key to success, better luck next time. 4. People are not who you think they are. This goes back to everybody lies. We all put up a front upon first meeting someone to impress them; whether it's someone of  the opposite sex, a boss, a family member, etc. No one is as  they seem. Deep down we're all selfish, hypocritical beings.  As a great philosopher once said, "People are bastard covered  bastards with a bastard filling." 5. Count on yourself. You may have those friends that say you two are going to be "bff," but "forever" does not exist when it comes to the relationships you  build. Reverting back to #4, a person's true colors are eventually  going to show and you're going to learn you can't trust the people  you want. It's best to simply look out for number one because in  the end that's all you're going to have. 6. Nothing lasts forever. Not your relationship, your marriage, your job, etc. Start preparing  for the worst because it's eventually going to come and it's going to  hit you hard. Don't hold onto anything for too long because you're  going to be a broken human being when it's gone from your life. 7. Reading and writing are essential to sanity.  On a positive note, I recommend everyone read and write at least  once a day. Just let your mind get lost in a better world than this one  by picking up any book you happen to find (unless it's Twilight, I'd  suggest you hang yourself for reading such a horrible series.) Write to get your own ideas out in the open and share those ideas  with others. 8. Think for yourself. Don't hang onto every word everyone says, not even me. You have a  mind of your own (at least I would hope you do), and you should be  using it. Create your own ideas to possibly help mankind evolve. 9. Question authority. Just because someone is an authority figure doesn't mean they are  always right. You should question everything anyone tells you.  Don't take someone's word because... well... people are liars anyway.  Don't follow any person or creed blindly. 10. Life's one big joke and your death is the punch line. Treat life as nothing more than that: a joke. Don't take anything  seriously; not your job, your significant other, the cancer with which  you've been diagnosed. Learn to laugh at yourself... and others.  Learn to laugh. No one likes a jackass with no sense of humor.  The world will be much better off if everyone takes my lessons to heart.  Don't waste time! Start learning them, NOW!